Smoking Drivers

Dear Smokers Who Drive,

I will not address the nasty habit/addiction of smoking here. I will only remark on the habits you all have while driving.

Actually just one in particular...

What, praytell, do you do with a cigarette when you are done smoking it (or whatever makes a cigarette disposable...to a smoker, that is) in the car?

Here is a list of things you could do with them, but to those of you who are throwing them out the window: Did you know that throwing a cigarette out your window is like honking your horn at the people behind you (your angry horn...not your friendly horn or your "wake up, dude" horn)? It's true. When a cigarette is coming at me from the person in front of me, bouncing off the asphalt and hitting my windshield, I cannot help but wonder if I have angered the smoking driver...

So, smokers, if you wouldn't honk your horn at the person behind you, don't throw your cigarette out. If you would, don't throw your cigarette and honk the horn...

Note: I was completely unaware that this was a activist issue. But apparently, it is...apparently there are groups of smokers against this type of thing...no comment.

Definition of Driving

When I was learning to drive, my mom told me, "Don't play the radio while driving."

Studies show that talking on the cell phone while driving can have similar effects on the brain as alcohol (...so can sleeping while driving...seriously, dude, don't do it).

So, the question begging to be answered is: What is driving?

'Oh shut up, Bill...'

No seriously, we all know that one is driving when he has his foot on the accelerator, gear shifted to D or D2 (I do not know how to drive a manual...so don't even bring that up! Let's stick to the definition of driving an automatic for the sake of this discussion and keeping my ignorance intact, capisce?), and the key in the ignition is turned toward the back of the car (assuming said car is in good running condition). We also know that one is NOT driving if the car is in park, no foot is on the accelerator, and the key in the ignition is turned toward the driver, or not in the ignition at all (also if one is not in the car---that might be a dead give away).

But what about the in-betweens? What about when the car is in park but it's on? What about when the car is in drive, but your foot is on the brake pedal? What if the passenger is steering while you tap the pedal (which I wholeheartedly discourage), are you still considered to be "driving" the car?

You may be wondering why I ask. I just got a brand new phone.


(For the record, that message was to my parents. While I am sure that you are all very nice people, I do not know you, and therefore, I do not love you)

It has access to the internet. I am a semi-avid Facebooker/Twitterer. I have the capacity to operate these sites from my cell phone. I have a tendency to Twitter/Facebook (insomuchas those are verbs) while I am at stoplights. [Sidebar: Consider the following. It takes me 45 minutes to drive the main strip of my commute home which is all of 15 miles. I do go an average speed of 40 MPH. Anyone who can do the math knows that I am missing almost 23 minutes. Where did they go? Traffic Lights! Resuming previous train of thought:] I recently received an admonishment for updating my facebook while "driving" (after posting about thumping music...but I suppose that is an entirely different post altogether).

(Whew! That is wayyy too much talk about me...let's not do that again, ok?)

So, the question remains: was I updating my facebook while "driving"?

I am almost certain this particular post goes against everything my blog stands for, but who am I to shy away from black-and-white definition. The distinction needs to be made, right? I mean...right?


For the record: The status was updated while I was at a 60+ second traffic light. This would be a breeze for someone of my administrative caliber. I did not hold up traffic when the light turned green. At no time did I forget that my foot should remain on the brake pedal and slide into the intersection. Just so you know.

Did I Mention...

Being flicked off by someone as that person is cutting you off is a most glorious experience. Really, I'm still beaming about it. :) :) :)

Happy Day!