The Articulate South

I hate southern sterotypes.

They bother me to no end. I was born and raised in the South, and I like to think that I am smart, clean, and have manners. We are also not all poor in the South. And I would just like to state that we are more DIVERSE than the Real Housewives of Atlanta would have the nation believe. Ahem.

My husband, also born and raised in the south, is half-canadian and his parents lived in Ohio before Georgia. He also is smart, clean, and has manners (better than mine). He also says 'shopping cart' instead of 'buggy' and 'can' instead of 'cayun'.

However, I must admit that there are very real people who encapsulate to the southern stereotype. In fact, there are quite a few of them.

I encountered one in particular the other day. Or at least I encountered his car.

Let me preface this revelation by first saying that I have no intention of detracting from my fellow blogger's running blog theme of capturing what she calls "vanity plates" and commentating on them (sheesh, was that a run-on or what?). But I just had to take this one down.

"HOW U"

Yes. I googled this combination of letters to verify that it was indeed what I thought it was and not some prestigious university. But the first hit was "Suga How U Get So Fly", which simply makes my next point.

What happened to verbs? In school I was constantly reminded to "USE STRONG VERBS" in place of my "There is"'s and "It was"'s. But I'd be happy if people around here just USED some. I'm not even kidding.

Sometimes I just want to tell that punk kid behind the counter to pull up his jeans and E-NUN-CI-ATE. Or tell the good ol' boy in the parking lot that his son is disobedient because he cannot understand "Git-own bek ov'hea" yet (...I suppose "git" could be a verb, actually). But I don't, because I'm shorter than everyone and not at all intimidating.

The truth of the matter is that it's laziness. All this heat and haze gets to us, and we find ourselves saying "Fine." instead of "I'm doing well. How are you?"

But at least the traffic sucks.

Avoidance

Has it really been 2 months?

No matter.

Have you heard about the flood that happened upon Atlanta in September? Thankfully it only affected one long commute home. Adding only 1 hour and 15 minutes to my normal hour-long drive. I even got to drive through rushing water. It wasn't scary. There was a cop and tow truck standing by. But I wouldn't recommend it if you can avoid such things.

However, I am not an expert on flood driving, so that conversation topic shall cease immediately.

Moving On...

What I am an expert on is NOT changing lanes unnecessarily.

Don't get me wrong. If I am traveling on the highway using cruise control and behold, I find myself behind a slow driver while driving in the right lane, then sure enough, I will put on my left blinker and change lanes twice to avoid turning off my cruise control. To be sure.

However, if instead I am traveling to work at an average speed of 40 MPH, an average distance of 6 feet from a vehicle on all sides at all times, I will avoid changing lanes as much as possible.

Here is why:

a) The person to my diagonal front right is not going any faster than the person directly in front of me.
b) If he is, he will not be for long.
c) There is almost never a space available in which to change lanes.
d) Old people are everywhere at 6 am and 4 pm. No lie.

Changing lanes in this type of scenario will not get me farther faster, but it will get me angrier sooner. As I already must separate my clenched teeth with a crowbar upon exiting my vehicle twice each day, I shall avoid any unnecessary extra stress at. all. costs.

Indeed.